Fucked

Musings on an interaction:

Our society is so fucked up, that when I told a friend what I desired in a (male) partner, I was told I was asking too much.

“Too much” included: someone I’m sexually attracted to, nice and makes me laugh, a guy who takes care of himself—isn’t careless with his mental health and physical health, but which doesn’t mean he’s a bodybuilder/buff-, doesn’t treat me like a sex toy (i.e. constant one sided sexual interactions), and not abusive. If that’s reaching for the stars, I’ll reach for the fucking stars. If I never meet a man like that, so be it. I’m happy alone too.

The most messed up thing about this, is the idea that a man like this doesn’t exist, or that he’s so rare, I’ll never meet him. Honest, loving, attractive, and fun guys exist who don’t expect sex dolls for a partner. And lets not forget that attraction is in the eye of the beholder, and people are attractive for their personality and thoughts as much as, if not more, than their physical shell. Hold out for the right one and love yourself until then.

✨Deferential Devil✨

Always

It’s not the color of the windows
for which I fall,
because peeking through wispy blinds,
is a soul,
sometimes tattered, well worn,
or even a bit that’s torn
It’s not just the lovely outside
that’s lived such a life,
but the shadows and highs
the lows and the light
of a being so right which
always
sets my heart to flight

✨Deferential Devil✨

Moments

Chilly air slides around me
brushing across bare skin
hands stiffen and I sniffle
but I don’t want to leave
this mini forest in the midst
of urban life which
moves so fast around me
because here everything calms
even if for a moment

✨Deferential Devil✨

Waterside

A crisp, comfortable chill fills the night air. The gas fireplace pops and snaps like a flag in the wind, burning through blue-tinged crystals. The flames dance and leap as high as they can in their confined circle while a well-aged tree plays puppeteer to a host of lanterns. Blow its branches, multiple hues caress a manicured lawn with a soft glow.

In the distance the sun sets in pinks, purples and blues that peek through rain-heavy clouds and the river meanders languid and silent below it.

I feel most alive in this perfect moment where memories bob along the surface of my mind. Peace and comfort blanket me, as if no time had passed, as if I’d held my breath for decades. This is where I belong with my person by my side.

✨Deferential Devil✨