Paper Doll

I dealt with
Constant bipolar swings,
and lies upon lies
His jealousy, and economic strife,
and the piece of him he wanted to hide

He gave me
Examples on how I should dress
A kitchen knife to slit his wrists
Reason to doubt but swore he was true
Confusion and pain, yet was I, who was vain

He told me
My check was too small
but he spent it just the same
while his slept soundly in the bank
I was the problem, and he couldn’t win
The way I ate would make me fat
though most thought me too thin

I learned
After waking from that nightmare
after cutting all ties with him
to take the offered lessons
so I’d never do that again

✨Deferential Devil✨

Days

On my best days I’m a storm
blowing through the world,
knocking down anything
which blocks my path
or raining down my love

On my worst days
I am a disaster
A mess of a human
all emotion, tragedy, and darkness
A tsunami swallowing cities whole

But everyday, I’m still me
whether the world sees it
I won’t break to make others ok
All that does is kill my storm
but doesn’t calm my seas

✨Deferential Devil✨

Stoic

They said
“You don’t react to much”

As a woman, my reactions are considered;
loud, hostile, weak, unfriendly, emotional,
ridiculous, stupid, too much, disruptive,
and always over the top

As an abuse survivor, non reaction
means no adverse action
and often
Stoicism equals life

✨Deferential Devil✨

Nothing

I never said…
his support thrilled me
or how I adored his laugh
that he made my heart quiver
and made my spine shiver
How I missed his presence
when he was busy
and that I, who hates phones,
wanted to speak all day
But I was too afraid,
said nothing
and now that’s what I hold

✨Deferential Devil✨