Days

On my best days I’m a storm
blowing through the world,
knocking down anything
which blocks my path
or raining down my love

On my worst days
I am a disaster
A mess of a human
all emotion, tragedy, and darkness
A tsunami swallowing cities whole

But everyday, I’m still me
whether the world sees it
I won’t break to make others ok
All that does is kill my storm
but doesn’t calm my seas

✨Deferential Devil✨

Fucked

Musings on an interaction:

Our society is so fucked up, that when I told a friend what I desired in a (male) partner, I was told I was asking too much.

“Too much” included: someone I’m sexually attracted to, nice and makes me laugh, a guy who takes care of himself—isn’t careless with his mental health and physical health, but which doesn’t mean he’s a bodybuilder/buff-, doesn’t treat me like a sex toy (i.e. constant one sided sexual interactions), and not abusive. If that’s reaching for the stars, I’ll reach for the fucking stars. If I never meet a man like that, so be it. I’m happy alone too.

The most messed up thing about this, is the idea that a man like this doesn’t exist, or that he’s so rare, I’ll never meet him. Honest, loving, attractive, and fun guys exist who don’t expect sex dolls for a partner. And lets not forget that attraction is in the eye of the beholder, and people are attractive for their personality and thoughts as much as, if not more, than their physical shell. Hold out for the right one and love yourself until then.

✨Deferential Devil✨

Always

It’s not the color of the windows
for which I fall,
because peeking through wispy blinds,
is a soul,
sometimes tattered, well worn,
or even a bit that’s torn
It’s not just the lovely outside
that’s lived such a life,
but the shadows and highs
the lows and the light
of a being so right which
always
sets my heart to flight

✨Deferential Devil✨

Tell Me

How does one settle
after a life of flight or fight
To finally learn self-worth,
with boundaries so strict
an army couldn’t penetrate

How does one live
without fear of destructive ‘love,’
fear of painful and swift reprisal,
crippling self-doubt, and self-hate

How to sleep after it all…
Tell me there is a balance
between the former darkness
and the newest light
so the pendulum swing isn’t so extreme

✨Deferential Devil✨